Getting out Getting away
by Sirius-Loey
Summary: Sirius escapes his home, leaving Regulus and getting to James' place. They develop a sort of friends-with-benefits thing. Then Lily. Things go downhill for Padfoot... ;;Gunna turn in to ficlets i think, well, skipping bits in time anyway. mild sexy stuff ;;Don't like don't read ; I /think/ it's Angst/Hurt/Comfort, tell me if otherwise: JPSB - JPLE
1. Getting out

**So... this is my fic on Sirius & James..Sirius escaping and going to James', i'll probably go on to HOgwarts and how lily finally accepts James..how Sirius feels..anywho, tell me if you like this chapter or if you think i should edit it:) review?:) thanks :3**

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"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT FILTH IN THIS HOUSE!" Walburga shrieked. Sirius and his mother were stood feet apart in the Living room, having yet another argument about his choice in friends and the shame he brought to the family name.

"ASSOCIATING YOURSELF WITH SCUM LIKE _THAT_. IT'S A DISHONOR AND ABSOLUTELY _DISGUSTING_." Sirius wiped spit off his cheek and glared back at his red faced parent.

"I'm sorry _Mother. _I don't remember when it was _your_ choice who I was friends with and who I got along with. There's such a thing called free-will." He had a calm anger about him that Regulus thought was more terrifying than when he was shouting. Sirius' little brother was sat on the edge of a chair in the Living room, watching the argument while his father sipped a cup of tea while reading the_ Daily Prophet. _

"DON'T CALL ME _MOTHER_. YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!" A streak of light shot out of her wand and hit Sirius in the side. He spun to the left and smacked into the wall. Sirius fell back onto the floor and felt his side burning. Looking down at himself as he struggled to his feet, he saw blood spreading from where the curse had hit. Sirius glared at his mother.

"Fine." He thrust an arm out and grabbed his father's wand from the coffee table. Before anyone could react, he was yelling a summoning spell and caught a piece of wood that flew towards him. Catching it, he threw his father's back down and ran as best he could, upstairs. Sirius ducked a couple of curses sent his way and flung the door to his room open. His trunk was mostly packed but he flung a few clothes into it before slamming the lid and racing back out. Sirius was stopped by his brother.

"Sirius, please you can't do this! You said you wouldn't leave!" Regulus looked at him desperately. Sirius hesitated. Could he do it? He shook his head.

"I have to. I can't live here anymore. It's Hell. And you're Deatheater. I want out." Sirius bumped down the stairs with his trunk, awkwardly as his side was burning.

"SIRIUS!" Regulus called desperately from the top of the stairs. Sirius raced towards the door but was thrown off course as yet another curse hit him. He hit the hall wall upside down and heard a sickening crack from his arm. Sirius yelped and scrambled to his feet.

"DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING ANYWHERE." His father bellowed.

"I'm leaving. Getting out. Like I should have done a long while ago." Sirius staggered towards the front door, trying not to faint and dragging his trunk as best he could. He heard his father saying another curse and whipped round to block it but wasn't fast enough and felt warmth splatter his face. Sirius coughed spat blood onto the floor. Reaching the front door, he stumbled out into the night.

"BOY GET BACK HERE!" But they couldn't do anything now that Sirius was in a view of a muggle street. His only thoughts were that he had to get to James.. but how? _The mirror. Use the mirror._ James and Sirius had developed a Wizarding walkie talky in their previous year at Hogwarts and used it to talk to each other when one was in detention or for pranking schemes etc. For streets later, he was feeling extremely light headed and slumped against a fence. His vision was blurred and swimming.

"Mirror.." He muttered. Fishing around in his trunk, his hand clasped a cold flat object and pulled it out. It hurt to breathe and he could still feel warmth seeping into his t-shirt.

"J-James.." He murmured into the mirror. He hadn't realized he was shaking.

"Padfoot?" James' face appeared in the mirror and Sirius nearly cried with relief. Concern took over James' face. "Pads? What happened? Are you alright? You look terrible!" Sirius rolled his eyes. Then wished he hadn't.

"Left..got out..won't make it..to you..though.." Sirius managed to wheeze. James paled.

"Alright mate, stay where you are..._where_ are you?" Sirius frowned and looked around. He turned the mirror round and showed it around where he was. Sirius could hear James calling for his parents, he turned the mirror back round to see the side of James' jeans and a couple of fingers. He must be holding the mirror by his side. Sirius closed his eyes and leaned his head back. All he wanted to do was sleep.

"Sirius? Sirius!" He opened his heavy lids and looked into the mirror. "Sirius they're coming, they just apparated but they'll be there soon! Don't close your eyes, don't sleep on me okay? Keep talking! Tell me what happened." James sounded rather desperate as Sirius struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Fight..Mother..she hurt..me..so..left. Left Reg.." His eyes closed slightly as he thought about how his brother must be now. He hoped he was alright.

"Nono Sirius, open your eyes come on!" James called. Sirius heard a shout from the end of the street and let his head roll sideways to see who made the noise. Someone loomed above him, for a moment he thought it was his father. He moaned.

"No...leave me alone..I hate you.."

"Sirius? It's James' dad. Hang in there, alright? The quickest way to get you back is by aparrition." He heard someone picked up his trunk and James' dad took hold of his arm. Pain shot through him and he cried out. The scene around him faded and blackness took him.


	2. Patching up & feelings

**Sorry it's so late, i will probably edit it later, i know it could have lots more in it. if there's anything you want editing or adding, please review or dm me :) it's a bit hurried but i wanted to get it up, remember i'm gunna attempt some slashy stuff okay? xD anyway, hope you like it :) and thanks for you reviews. **

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James heard a _pop_ from downstairs and stopped his frantic pacing, to race down. Skidding round the corner to their Living room, James looked over the scene. His mother was setting down Sirius' trunk and his dad was lowering a very limp and bloody Sirius to the sofa. For a moment, James couldn't breathe, that was _Sirius_ there.. but then he came to his senses and ran into the room.

"James, grab some towels and the medi-kit will you?" said his mother hurriedly. She went to join her husband who was checking out Sirius' wounds. James ran in to the kitchen and grabbed all the towels he could find and went into the bathroom for their medi-kit. He came back, panting, and handed the things to his father.

"How bad? Will he be okay?" James asked anxiously.

"He probably needs St Mungo's, but, they'd notify his parents.."

"You _can't_ take him there! He doesn't like hospitals..not after _that _year." His parents nodded understandingly. They knew about the year the Marauders had fallen out with Sirius. James had still be rather traumatized when he got home.

"No, we won't yet, don't worry. Go and sit over there and we'll do our best alright?" His mother told him. James nodded and obediently sat on a chair opposite the sofa, craning his neck to have a look at what they were doing. He saw their expressions of horror when they took his t-shirt off him. James was itching to go over and help but decided he would get in the way. He looked on as his parents busied themselves in healing wounds and stopping him bleeding. James winced each time he heard Sirius give a quiet moan.

It felt like forever until they beckoned James over. He got up and looked at his friend. His parents had done a good job, Sirius had a fair few bandages on him and to James, he looked broken.

"Are they...?" James brushed his hand over one of his friend's bandages.

"Curse wounds...yes." His mother confirmed. James sighed. _Well at least he's out. _Scanning over Sirius body ad injuries, he noticed that Sirius' fingers were bent slightly awkwardly.

"Mum..." James pointed towards the supposed injury. Mrs Potter came forward and lifted Sirius' arm. Sirius' eyelids fluttered and he groaned.

"Sirius..?" James asked tentatively.

"m'sorry...d-n't 'urt me.." His friend murmured. James cringed.

"We don't want to.." He looked at his mother.

"I think they, and his arm, are broken. I'm sure I know the spell..." Mrs Potter pointed her wand at first his fingers then his arm and muttered a spell. There was a cracking sound and Sirius cried out but James' mother seemed satisfied and put her wand away. Sirius had passed out again and looked more vulnerable than ever. James bit his lip. It was unnatural to see him like this.

"Is it okay to put him in your room until we get the guest room set up?" His father asked him, James nodded and 5 minutes later, Sirius was wearing a pair of James' pajamas and safely tucked up in James' bed. His parents went downstairs and told James to be quiet if he was going to stay up there and to call them if he woke up. James moved over to the bed and looked down at Sirius with a sad smile. He climbed onto the bed and lay beside him, watching his chest rise and fall. Seeing Sirius this way reminded him of the year they had fallen out over Snape. James shivered, he hated remembering that incident and what they had driven to do.

He thought back to last year, he still had had no luck with Lily Evans, but his thoughts had started drifting to Sirius more and more as the year progressed. James had been getting rather jealous of the people whom Sirius had got with, had even imagined him in their place. He had tried to shake off the feeling, Sirius was practically his brother, what was he thinking? Sirius would never like him back! But as he looked at the sleeping figure beside him, he couldn't help but feel love for him, and not the brotherly kind. He always felt a little guilty when Sirius had a nightmare, because he enjoyed being in Sirius' bed and lying next to him, whispering in his ear and comforting him.. He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of Sirius' face. It was true he would still go out with Evans if she accepted, but now his love was shared. James watched Sirius while he thought, he curled close to the boy and sighed. What was he going to do?

It was then that Sirius mumbled something incoherent and cracked his eyes open, squinting against the light. James fumbled for his wand and turned them off. Sirius opened his eyes more and lay staring at the ceiling. James stayed quiet, knowing he would talk when he was ready so continued to lie curled against him. After a while, Sirius turned his head.

"Hey.." Sirius murmured.

"Sirius...what..?" James questioned.

"We were arguing again...about you guys..and the family name blah blah...and I wanted out. So, got my stuff.. and you can kinda guess what happened..." James cringed and Sirius reached forward to squeeze his should, wincing as he did. "Yeah, violence and stuff. Got my wand back by using my dad's to accio it.." He paused and a tear slid down his cheek. "James...I left Reg..I left him alone with them! He didn't want me to go, James!" Sirius looked at James desperately for some words of advice.

"Sirius you had to! You had to leave or they would have done worse! And I'm sure Regulus understands that."

"But... he's alone, with them angry! And all the times he told me to go, I said no. I think he was torn between wanting me to be safe and not wanting to be alone with them. And now he is." He wiped his face with his good arm, feeling guilty and sad for his brother.

"Shhh, Sirius, it's alright, you can owl him later, let him know you got here." James stroked Sirius' hair, his friend didn't seem to notice the intimacy and he stared ahead of him looking slightly vague. James' hand moved to his cheek.

"Sirius?" Sirius' eyes focused on him and he looked worried. James moved closer and felt Sirius' breath on his face. James closed his eyes slightly and brushed his lips over Sirius'. For a moment nothing happened and James worried Sirius would tell him to go away, but then he felt lips press back against his own, warm and soft. Taking the hint, he opened his mouth and felt Sirius' tongue nudge against his own. He closed his eyes and let the kiss take him away, moving his lips against Sirius'. It felt like an eternity and no time at all. But then they heard the door handle and James sat bolt upright against the head board leaving Sirius looking rather startled when the lights went on and Mrs Potter stood in the door way with a plate of toast.

"How are you Sirius? Thought I heard you two talking." She smiled and came in to hand Sirius (who was blinking against the light) the plate of toast not seeming to notice the slight flush in the face of the two boys.

"Um.. I'm feeling okay.. bit sore.." Sirius mumbled. He didn't like people fussing over him and was glad he hadn't been fully conscious when they had brought him here.

"Alright, well eat up and have some rest and we'll be back to check you later. James, come on and leave him be for a bit."

"But mum- !"

"It's fine Mrs potter...I'd like some company..after..everything." Sirius said. James' mum nodded understandingly and turned out of the room, shutting the door. Sirius turned to face James with a questioning look.

"What..?" said James sheepishly.

"You know what..."

"I..erm..."

"Since when did you feel _that _way about me?" He asked, not demandingly, but curiously.

"Last...Last year." James bit his lip, fearing the worst. But Sirius nodded.

"Okay.. are you likely to... well, do unexpected things..often?" He cocked an eyebrow at James.

"Well.. do you _want_ me to?" Sirius shrugged.

"It's up to you, I don't mind it.." In truth, Sirius had very much liked the kiss and had always suspected he liked James in some way but has never dwelled on the thoughts or paid attention to them.

"D-do you want to try it again?" James asked hesitantly looking at Sirius with nervous eyes. Sirius shuffled up the bed, resting the toast on his knees and rested his good hand on the back of James neck, pulling him slightly closer and pressing his lips against James' once more.

_I could get used to this._ Sirius thought.


	3. Back 2 School

**Wow sorry for the late update, I'm not very good at writing lovey stuff so this isn't a great chapter & it's a bit all over the place.. next chapter will be better i hope :)**

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Sirius stumbled slightly as he was yanked, by James, into an empty classroom on their way to lunch. He was getting rather used to these situations. No sooner had he been slammed into the wall, James' mouth was on his and a hand was wriggling down to his belt. Sirius felt his trousers slip slightly as they were loosened and the hand was working wonders for him. Moments later waves of pleasure were rolling over him, his eyes were closed and his knees buckled. He hadn't slipped too far down the wall before a strong arm as supporting him.

"I love it when you get all woozy." James whispered in his ear. Sirius reached one hand to do himself up and another to lightly slap James across the face.

"I do not get woozy, you try being in my position." But James just waved away his protest. Letting go of Sirius, he weaved through the desks on his way over to the door and looked out. "Ok c'mon, it's clear."

"I don't know what you're bothered about, I've come out of empty classrooms with people before and no one's given a second glance." Sirius strolled over, pulled the door open and walked out, beckoning over his shoulder for James who was quickly by his side. As they moved through the school, James studied his best friend with many benefits. Since they had started school again Sirius had retreated into himself slightly, he still tried to act like his old bouncy stupid self but he had explained to James that even thought he hated his family, they were sill family and it hurt him that they didn't love him. His hair was always slightly out of place, which is something the old Sirius wouldn't have allowed on a daily basis. If anything, he looked slightly defeated. But James still loved him. And Lily.

Although Sirius couldn't quite understand why James didn't want to make them public, he was really very happy. Being with James felt right to him, natural. At first Sirius had taken it to be a fling like he'd had with many a student, but after it had gone on for a couple of months, he realised that he definitely loved him. This feeling was strange to Sirius, he'd never loved any of his dates, he hoped it lasted with the two of them.

Two days later it was Saturday evening and Sirius was towelling himself off in the boys dorms after a shower. He and James had spent the afternoon playing Quidditch, he had left James making another pointless attempt to ask out his precious Evans. Remus and Peter were studying in the library, Remus was trying to help Peter get to grips with his Astronomy star calender.

Plopping down onto the floor, he studied himself in their mirror. There was definitely something about him that resembled the rest of his family. Maybe it was the way he held himself, or the shape of his face. Well that was going to be obvious, he did look like the rest of them. Shaking his head, he put his face in his hands. Sirius sat there for a while, mulling over his family and James and everything. Regulus had been avoiding him, no matter how hard he tried Sirius could never corner him to talk about what happened. There were always a group of Slytherins wherever Regulus went. They had been a problem for Sirius, he'd gotten in a couple of duels with a few of them over his family. It wasn't their business so they had no right to taunt him. However it looked like his cousin Bella was behind a couple of confrontations and he had a bad feeling that she had something up her sleeve.

Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt arms circle around him and pull him to his feet. A familiar scent reached his nose and he relaxed into James' hug.

"You really need to stop dwelling on things Pads, it's not good for you."James muttered in Sirius' ear.

"Mmph" Sirius replied. James chuckled and dragged Sirius over to his bed.

"C'mon, I'll take your mind off it." Sirius Looked up at James with a slightly astonished face. James dumped Sirius on the bed and set about removing his towel. If Sirius and James were on the same wavelength, which they always were, then Sirius was in for a treat. Since he and James had started their thing, Sirius hadn't hooked up with anyone at all. The two of them had never gone all the way so Sirius had been feeling a bit deprived. And that was why he now had a surprised face.

Within minutes limbs were entangled and nails were being raked down skin. Sirius couldn't think straight he was too full of ecstasy.

What felt like moments later, they were both sprawled on the bed feeling hot and sticky.

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**Sorry it's a bit of a short one..**


	4. Rain

**i think this chapter is inspired by the fanfiction 'Cold rain, Warm hearts' by Embracing-Shadows, i like that story.. anyway, here's the next chapter.**

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"Sirius," James mumbled, his face hidden in the pillow. "I gotta tell you something."

Sirius propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at James who was face forward on the bed with an arm hanging over the side.

"Yeah?"

"Evans...she said yes..." Sirius nearly fell off the bed.

"And..?"

"Well...I said I had something to sort...but we're going out I guess." Padfoot's mind was whurring.

"But...what about us?"

"Well obviously we can't do things now can we? I just wanted to give you something nice before I dated her.." Sirius couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, was this really his James? He slid off the bed and threw on a t-shirt and jeans and walked out the door, stopping briefly to grab their Map. He could hear James calling after him but strode off down the stairs. Sirius wasn't quite sure where he was going but found himself heading for the old tapestry room he and Regulus used to hide out in. Looking a the map he was surprised to see Regulus already in the room, he wasn't sure whether to proceed or not, but something told him he had to.

Slipping through into the room he heard something fall to the floor with a thump. Looking up Sirius saw it was a book Regulus had been reading. His little brother got up quickly and made to leave the room. Sirius reached to hold his arm.

"Reg..wait." Not looking at him, his brother stopped. Sirius took this as a good sign. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you, it wasn't brotherly of me." Regulus sighed.

"But if you'd stayed... it wasn't your fault. Staying wouldn't have done you any good." Regulus turned to face his brother with a sad smile. "I've been so mad at you.. for leaving..but I'm not anymore." Sirius sighed with relief.

"I missed you." Sirius said. Next thing he knew his little brother had his arms tight around his middle and was hugging him as if his life depended on it. "And you're still my brother, Deatheater or no.." Regulus sniffled.

"I wish I could be something else."

"Me too." Regulus let go of him and sat down. Sirius did the same. Regulus felt a bit thinner than he remembered and his face looked slightly strained.

"How have you been?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"Not bad.. getting to grips with this Deatheater business..how about you?" He sighed.

"Dating James, and getting into trouble." His brother raised an eyebrow at him.

"Dating James? And how did that go?"

"Fine, until Evans accepted his date request."

"What? He asked out Evans when he was dating you?"

"Well, to him I think it was just a thing.. I don't know, I don't think he realises what he means to me.." Sirius trailed off and gazed at the wall.

"You should talk to him, tell him how you feel."

"No..that would make him feel torn, he's been after Lily since the start." Sirius got up. "It's good to see you again, properly."

"You too Sirius..you too." Regulus reached for his book again.

"I'll see you soon." They waved at each other and Sirius left for the dorms.

He pushed the dormitory door open with the intention of going straight to bed. But on entering he saw Remus and James on James' bed. Both of them looked up as Sirius came in. James looked very guilty and Remus looked a bit weary.

"Sirius, I'm sorry, I thought.." James started.

"Thought what James?" Sirius so wasn't in the mood for this, he was tired and wanted bed.

"That it was the same ...as all the others..."

"What? You thought I was such a slut I wouldn't have any feelings? Even for you?"

"Sirius..."

"Just leave it James. I'll get over it. I usually do" He flung himself on his bed and curled up as Padfoot so no on could talk to him, he heard Remus sigh and tell James to get some sleep and things would be ok in the morning. Screwing his eyes closed he tried his best for sleep. He dreamt of Lily and James. It wasn't a nightmare, but one filled with jealousy. They would taunt him and kiss and he would shout at James but James would just brush him off.

He woke up sweating and feeling something he hadn't felt for a long time. It was the urge to cut. Sirius wondered if he wasn't good enough for James, was he just someone James had used to pass the time? Had he thought Sirius wouldn't mind? Cos he sure as hell did. He must have transformed back in his sleep. Getting out of bed, he was still dressed so went downstairs. It was early morning. Someone was already awake and doing work by the fire. It was Evans. Sirius sighed and tried to creep past her.

"Sirius." He winced and turned around to face her.

"Yes?" He tried to keep his voice steady.

"I heard you last night, talking to James." She got up and came over to him, she looked concerned.

"Really? Didn't think eves dropping was really your thing Evans." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Was what James wanted to sort out to do with you?" Sirius stiffened.

"I suppose."

"I'm sorry Sirius, I didn't know."

"Don't apologise, it's nothing to do with you, you can have him." Sirius made to walk out of the portrait hole.

"I.."

"Evans. Drop it, I'm fine." Lily sighed but let him go. Sirius strode out of the portrait hole. It was raining outside and as he walked through the corridors he could hear the patter of it on the castle windows. Looking down at his feet he realised he had forgotten to put on his shoes. _Oops. _As he reached the Entrance Hall he considered going for breakfast but wasn't really in the mood. So he pushed the doors open and stepped out in to the rain. This had to be a stupid idea but he need the air. Turning into Padfoot he trotted through the grounds, enjoying the smells of wet nature. Upon reaching the lake, he splashed into it and started to doggy paddle. This was usually more fun when someone was throwing him a stick, trudging out onto the sand, he lay on his belly and lapped the water. He transformed back to himself and sat up, spotting a small bank he squelched over and leaned against it. Sirius stared up at the sky, blinking past the rain he spotted a patch of blue between the clouds. _A bit of hope. _He thought to himself. What was he hoping for? It wasn't like Lily and James would break up, they were one of those meant-to-be couples. Sighing, he closed his eyes and let the rain wash over him. It wasn't long before he felt pretty cold. Getting unsteadily to his feet, Sirius made to go inside. His bones felt like they'd seized up but he managed to stumble from tree to bolder and trip over tussocks of grass. It felt like an eternity until Sirius reached the Entrance to Hogwarts. The doors were so heavy though...could he push them open? Leaning against them and feeling like he could just curl up and go to sleep right there, the doors opened and he fell inside.

"Padfoot?!" Sirius groaned and rolled over on the floor. He looked up to see Jamess walking towards him with a worried expression on his face.

"Sirius are you stupid? How long have you been out there?" His friend bent down to heave Sirius to his feet.

"No...don't want.." Sirius tried to say, he was in no mood for James.

"Sirius stop it, come on." The dog animagus gave in and leaned heavily on James to keep from falling over. He was so cold, tired, he wanted to sleep.

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**I need to make my chapters longer lol, hope you enjoyed..**


	5. Fever

**Sorry Sirius :( ..review? pretty please?**

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Sirius couldn't quite remember getting back to Gryffindor door tower. But now he was aware, he found himself on the sofa by the fire and James, Remus, Lily and Peter were sat around him. He was covered in a blanket and could see his jeans drying by the fire.

"Remus, is it me or is he burning up? Maybe we should move him away from the fire." James said worriedly. Sirius sat up. He hated being fussed over.

"You don't have to move me anywhere." Swinging his legs round and flooring the blanket, he stood up unsteadily form the sofa. A sudden wave of dizzyness came over him and he swayed. Sirius still felt cold but also hot, he supposed it was from the fire.

"I'm going to bed." Holding his head in his hands, it was pounding away, he headed for the stairs.

"Sirius don't, you were out there for ages if you went out after seeing Lily! You're probably sick! Just stay lying down." James pleaded. Lily made to take Sirius' hand and guide him back but he flinched away from her as if she had burned him. She sighed and went to stand by James who put an arm round her. Sirius looked away and walked, or rather staggered to the stairs. The room seemed to spin a bit but he hung on to the banister for dear life and heaved himself up each step. He was bout threes steps up when the world lurched and he felt himself falling forward. Before he hit the stairs there were arms around him and lifting him up. Sirius' head lolled, he definitely had a major headache, all he wanted to do was sleep it off.

"Mmmm fiiineee." He tried to say to his helper.

"Sirius, just be quiet." It was Remus. They reached the dorms and Remus laid his friend on his bed. Then he put a hand out to feel Sirius' forehead and sighed.

"Why did you stay in the rain all day?" Remus sat on the bed next to Sirius who had curled up in a ball.

"I didn't mean to, but... I just needed the time..." He mumbled into the pillow.

"Well, don't be surprised if you do get sick.. get some sleep and see how you feel tomorrow, I can always get the work for you." Remus got up.

"Thanks...you know how I love homework." Remus rolled his eyes and threw a blanket over Sirius before exiting the room. Sirius closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly, keeping his mind off Lily and James.

"He still looks sick, maybe we should go down and come back with some food..."

Hushed voices woke Sirius from his sleep. Groggily he opened his eyes, James and Remus were stood beside the bed. His head was still pounding and he was sweating.

"Ugh.." Rolling over, Sirius made to get out of bed but ended up sitting with his head in his hands.

"Sirius don't, I think you've got a fever. We should probably get you to the Hospital Wing-" Sirius was about to cut across Remus but he held up a hand and continued. "But, that won't happen if we can help it. We'll just get something from Madam Pomfrey if she'll let us." Sirius sighed in relief and lay back down.

"Fine...but one day only..." The two boys nodded and left for breakfast. Sirius wasn't sure why, but it hurt that James left. Usually he would have stayed unless it was really necessary for him to go.. _but_ now he had Lily. At this thought, Sirius' heart clenched. He didn't want to lie in bed thinking about James and Lily, he had to do something. Reaching for his wand, he pointed it random objects and made them fly around the room, this was amusing but not fun, so he sent them zooming down into the common room. There were noises of surprise coming from downstairs and Sirius smiled to himself. Maybe a shower would do him good. Easing himself up from the bed he moved slowly over to the bathroom and set the shower going. He didn't have the energy to strip off so just stepped in. That feeling was still there, the one to cut. Instinctively he reached for the blade and slid down the cubicle wall. Seconds later, rivulets of blood were running down the drain hole. He'd almost forgotten the feeling, it felt good. He laid his head back against the wall, before this he'd been scared to do it again after he had landed himself in the Hospital Wing.

"SIRIUS!" Sirius jumped so violently he accidentally cut himself again. Remus was in the doorway and looked furious. He gulped.

"Dammit Sirius, are you _trying_ to kill yourself?" Remus strode over and yanked Sirius out of the shower.

"Remus what is it? What happened?" James was about to come in.

"James stay out, you don't need to see this." The sandy-haired boy's mouth was set.

"Remus what..?" James stuck his head in and paled. "Sirius..."

"Go away..." Sirius croaked.

"Sirius-"

"GET OUT!" He yelled and burst into tears. James looked startled but ducked out of the bathroom. Turning to face Remus who was sat next to him on the floor, he said, "You want to know why? He gave me the happiest time of my life, the best summer I'd ever had, I loved him. Then he ripped it all away. For her." Remus sighed and patted Sirius on the back. "He's left me Remus, in more ways than one, and it won't be the same, not anymore."

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**kinda random..i think ...sorry, but um, he'll calm down.. sorta**


	6. Confrontation

**The next chapter will be more interesting lol..**

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It took three days for Sirius' fever to go. During that time he wasn't left alone, there was either Remus or Peter watching over him through the day. James had tried once but Sirius hadn't said a word to him so he had got angry and left. The days after were harder. The boys were constantly worried Sirius would do something stupid and Sirius felt like he was on a leash. Which was slightly ironic. On top of that, Lily was always around. It was rarely just the four of them anymore and constantly seeing James with Lily made Sirius feel like he was dying inside.

The worst thing that had happened was that Sirius had come into the dorms to grab a text book and found James and Lily making out on the bed, he had dashed out, slamming the door and bolted down to the common room. After that he had started trying to avoid James, which wasn't easy when James didn't wan to be avoided. Sirius was pretty sure James wanted to talk to him about what had happened since the night he had ended it but that was something Sirius wanted to keep well off topic.

He and Regulus met up more often now. Sirius wanted to keep an eye on him, make sure he wasn't getting too sucked into the whole 'Dark Lord' thing. It was also good to have someone to talk to that knew him like his friends did, more even, and not be under surveillance from them.

Sirius' self esteem had depleted. He kept missing breakfast because he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. Then he tried to avoid lunch because Lily would be there and the couple would kiss and act romantically. Sirius had taken to nipping into the kitchens, when he could, to grab a sandwich. He wasn't sure why he was acting so drastically but being around James and Lily made him queasy and he couldn't look at them. And he was back to cutting in secret.

It wasn't long before James got fed up with the whole thing. One Tuesday afternoon when they had finished lessons, he dragged Sirius (who had been reading a book in the corner of the Common Room) into an alcove of the room and proceeded to tell him off for acting so stupidly.

"Sirius! Will you please STOP being so fucking _childish_ about all this?!" James fumed.

Sirius stood there with his mouth slightly agape. This wasn't very nice of James and people were starting to stare.

"Why can't you just be happy for me? The girl I've loved since First Year has finally agreed to go out with me and all you can do is sulk!" Ouch. That stung. Sirius glared and tried to push past James but he was blocking the way.

"NO, Sirius, you're going to explain why you're being so selfish!" Sirius was angry, James had no right!

"You want to know, Potter? You were the first relationship I had felt love in and the moment before you break up with me you give me some of the more amazing sex I've ever had! Then you tell me you agreed to go out with someone else. While still dating me." Sirius was practically yelling and James was regretting that he'd started it but luckily Lily wasn't present. There was silence in the Common Room. Remus got up and put a hand on James' shoulder looking rather serene. Sirius looked like a trapped puppy.

"James..Sirius...enough okay?" Remus said quietly. "Here isn't the most private place."

"It's fine. We're done." Sirius muttered staring ahead. James made to protest but Remus pulled him towards the fire, leaving Sirius free to go.

He was out of the Common Room in a flash and on his way to the secret tapestry room.

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**Please Review..? C:**


	7. oh boy

**Hey, apologies to Sirius, i luv ya man, thanks for your reviews! & sorry if this is going over board but, writing rama etc is my stronger point ideas wise, I'm not so good with calm.. anyway, enjoy...**

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When he arrived, the room was empty. Sirius sighed and slumped against the wall, that was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life and he was sure that James wouldn't be happy. He knew James had been right about something, he was dragging this out too much. He needed to get his act together and put on a brave face. But, for now he was going to sit here and waste some time. There wasn't much to do though, nothing to transfigure or mess around with. Sighing, he got back up and decided to go for a walk.

Without a destination in mind, he wandered along the corridors thinking about James. In all honesty, he just wanted a hug. But didn't especially want to go back to Gryffindor tower so soon. Maybe he would bump into Regulus?

Well, he did, but not quite in the circumstances he would have preferred. Sirius had stopped to look out of one of the windows, he was nearing the Slytherin dungeons and didn't really want to go much further. The sun was nearly setting and the light cast across the grounds was a nice shade of pinky orange. Shaking his head slightly he decided he should probably go and sort it out with James, he'd been gone for a while now.

"Well, just the slime we were hoping to come across." Came a drawling voice from behind him. Whipping around Sirius saw a small gang of Slytherins, Regulus included, coming up behind him. His younger brother averted his eyes and looked anywhere but at Sirius. Raising his chin, Sirius stood defiantly, not one to run from a fight.

"We were hoping to get you alone one day, we have a lesson to teach you. Being a blood traitor has consequences." Nott said. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He made to walk away but was stuck in the back by a curse that made him fall flat on his face. Scrambling to his feet, Sirius spun around, furious. His hand went for his wand but a yelled 'Expelliarmus' had it flying towards his enemies. Settling for a muggle-style fight, he raised his fists in a guarded position. The Slytherins just laughed at him and the last thing Sirius saw was a bright light flying towards him. Then he knew only pain and the cold floor.

OoOoO

James was disturbed from a book he was reading over Lily's shoulder by a persistent banging coming from the portrait hall. Looking around, he saw no one was going to have a look out, so he got up and went over. Opening the portrait hole, he was nearly hit in the face by a flying fist. Snapping his hand up, he caught it and looked into the face of Regulus Black.

"Regulus.." James said suspiciously. The younger boy looked very out of breath and upset.

"James, Sirius...he was attacked.. is being attacked...Slytherins.."Regulus started to pant. But James was already half way down the staircase, dragging Regulus with him.

"Show me where." He yelled over his shoulder. The two boys sped down staircases and corridors until they reached the area of the Slytherin dungeons. Regulus suddenly stopped and James looked back quickly, then realised how it would look if they arrived together. After giving Regulus a quick nod he hurried forwards and looked around the corner. There was no Slytherins there, had it been a joke? Was this a trap? But something about the way Regulus had looked told him it wasn't. Then he saw Sirius. His knees nearly buckled but James managed to stagger over to his friend.

"Sirius.." He croaked. Sirius looked terrible..He had a black eye, his clothes were stained with blood in few places. James didn't want to look anymore. He was sure there were some fractured bones. As he couldn't leave Sirius there, James stood up and scooped Sirius gently up in his arms. Sirius coughed and took a rattling breath. James winced and walked as steadily as he could towards the Hospital Wing. Now was not the time for Sirius' wishes, he needed that place more than anything.

"Why is it always you Pads?" James whispered. Getting to the Hospital Wing felt like forever. James tried to be as careful as he could but a couple of times he tripped or stumbled over an uneven bit of floor. Finally, he was pushing open the doors to the Wing and yelling for Madam Pomfrey. She looked up from where she was tending a patient with a furry hand. Telling them hurriedly to drink the potion that was on their bedside, Madam Pomfrey came over to them.

"What in the name...What happened now?" She exclaimed and gestured for James to put Sirius on a bed. James tried to do it as gently as possible but Sirius still groaned slightly. Madam Pomfrey drew curtains around Sirius' bed and made James wait outside them on a chair. He sighed. Going to look out of the doors, he spotted a Ravenclaw second year hurrying past.

"Hey you!" The girl stopped and looked around nervously. "You know who Remus Lupin is don't you?" The girl nodded. "I need you to go and tell him to come here, he'll be in the Gryffindor common room. I'll buy you a chocolate frog if you do."

"Ok." She said and was gone, trotting along the corridor at an in creasing speed. James would have gone himself but didn't want to leave Sirius. He was sure there was something wrong with his friend that he'd missed but couldn't pin what it was. Sitting back down on his creaky old chair, James waited, and waited.

A while later, Remus came through the doors looking pale.

"James what..?" He came over and took a seat next to James.

"Where's Peter?"

"He went to bed, I didn't want to spend the next half an hour trying to wake him up if this was important."

"It is. Regulus was banging at the portrait hole and said something about Sirius being attacked..so..I got him here." Remus sighed and nodded.

"How does he get himself into these situations?"

"I think he was already in this one." James said. "I think it;s to do with him running away this summer." Both boys lapsed into silence and waited for news from Madam Pomfrey. James was just dosing off when the curtains were pulled back and she stepped out looking grim.

"He'll be okay, I'm just going to inform Dumbledore what happened and I'll be back. You can go in."

They both went inside the curtains that were cutting Sirius off from the world. Remus sat on a chair and James perched on the edge of the bed.

"Sirius mate, you awake?" James asked hopefully.

OoOoO

Sirius opened his eyes. Or he thought he had, he put a hand to his face and poked himself in the eye. Ouch! Yes, his eyes were definitely open, so why couldn't he see?

"Sirius..?" That was James' voice!

"James?" His eyes darted around.

"Yeah..it's me and Remus too. Sirius..you can see us right?"

"I..no.." Sirius' breathing picked up pace. Was this permanent? He didn't like this at all! "James I can't! I can't see!" Feeling panicky, Sirius made to sit up, he wanted to know James was there.

"Sirius..Sirius shh, it's okay, I'm sure it's not permanent." Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder and resisted the urge to cry. Putting his hand on top of the one on his shoulder, he felt up the arm attached to it until he reached a body. Then he felt the face..his hand touched glasses and he let out a sigh of relief. It was James.


	8. A helping hand

_Hey, sorry this has taken a while, I had writer's block :( There's probably about another...2...3 chapters left of Hogwarts, maybe less, then I'll move onto them living on their own ^_^ I love reviews..and it's nearly Christmas...(; anyway, thanks for reading, hope it's okay & sorry if it offends anyone who knows blind people :( I tried._

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"Where am I? What...?" Sirius asked.

"You're eh..In the Hospital Wing.. Your brother turned up at the tower and brought me to you..Sirius who attacked you?"

"I...can't say." Sirius shook his head and lay back carefully. "What do I look like? How bad?" James sighed.

"Uh..black eye, cuts and bruises, fixed broken bones... looking like you've been in a fight." James had sugar coated his description as Sirius did look pretty awful, but if he couldn't see then...

"Huh.." Sirius looked blankly ahead. "When can I get out of here?"

"Well, Madam Pomfrey said she had to tell Dumbledore then she'd be back. So.. I'm not sure.." James replied. Sirius pulled the pillow over his face and James gave Remus a sad smile. James rested a comforting hand on Sirius' knee, Sirius took a deep breath and yelped slightly, putting a hand on his ribs. He had been dressed in school pajamas and James glimpsed a bandage beneath them.

It wasn't long before Madam Pomfrey came back accompanied by Professor Dumbledore. James looked up and nudged Sirius who took the pillow of his face.

"What?" He said.

"Professor Dumbledore is here.." Sirius sat up awkwardly.

"Mr. Black, how are you feeling?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"Fine.." Sirius said glumly.

"Madam Pomfrey...he can't see.." James told her worriedly.

"Sirius is this true?" She asked him. Sirius nodded. Madam Pomfrey stepped forward and started muttering spells and summoning potions. When nothing worked she grumbled and sat in a chair.

"This was caused by dark magic, but over time I think it should fade."

Sirius sighed. Just what he needed, now he felt almost completely vulnerable.

"Mr. Black I'd like a quick word," Dumbledore said and looked at their small audience. "Could we have a moment?" Remus nodded and said he would go back up to the tower and bid Sirius and the staff goodnight.

"James, you coming?" He queried. James shook his head.

"Can I stay, Professor?" James pleaded with the headmaster. Dumbledore nodded and both Remus and Madam Pomfrey left.

"Mr Black," he started, but Sirius interjected.

"Sirius, is fine, Sir." Dumbledore nodded understandingly, but only for James benefit.

"Sirius, we will do our best to help you in your current condition, but could you tell who it was that did this to you?" Sirius shook his head, telling wouldn't help matters at all.

"Very well. If you feel it would make matters worse then I must be going, goodnight." Dumbledore nodded at them and departed.

"James...?" Sirius felt forwards and found a curled up body in front of him. He was probably asleep... Sirius lay back and closed his eyes, not that if felt much different. He tried to take his mind off this, relaxing himself, he soon fell asleep.

OoOoO

He woke the next morning by being poked repeatedly.

"Sirius Sirius Sirius Sirius-"

"What?!"

"Oh you're awake." James said.

"Why?"

"Your brother's here."

"Hi Sirius.." Sirius could hear guilt in his brother's voice.

"Thank you.."

"I...what?" Regulus said, he sounded confused and Sirius imagined a frown on his face.

"For getting help.."

"But I didn't stop them?"

"I didn't run away from it."

"Like you would." James and Regulus said in unison.

"Yeah ok true..." He agreed.

"How are you feeling anyway?" Regulus asked.

"Fine." Sirius hope his smile he gave them was encouraging.

"I mean really.." Regulus said. Sirius sighed, his brother had learnt to tell when he wasn't ok from their time at home.

"Really, I hate this and I wish I had a painkiller. I just want to get out of here."

"I think she might let you out later..." James said.

"Ooops, I gotta run," said Regulus. "Don't want to be interrogated." Sirius nodded.

"It's fine, I'll catch you later." He heard his brother leave and stretched his arms out, accidentally hitting James in the face.

"Ouch!"

"..Sorry.."

"Sirius, how are you today?" Came the voice of Madam Pomfrey.

"Fine.." He yawned.

"Well, I want to keep you in until this evening then I think you can go, but only if you're accompanied everywhere. I don't want to see you in here with another injury for a good while." Sirius nodded.

"Agreed." Accompanied everywhere? He sighed. Madam Pomfrey fussed over him and he felt her change a bandage or two, Sirius wondered what they had done to him. It hurt, quite a lot, but he would never say that.

"Mr Potter shouldn't you be in lessons?" She scolded.

"I'm allowed today off." James yawned. "And lessons without Sirius are boring. Remus makes me work." Sirius laughed at this and felt warm and fluffy inside.

The two of them spent the day reminiscing about their first year and when they found out Remus was a werewolf. Usually they'd have played a game or something more active that would have had Madam Pomfrey scolding them, but due to Sirius' situation...

"Remember when you first turned into a stag and got left with a furry back for a day?" Sirius chortled.

"Not as bad as you trying to pee on everything!" James retorted, trying to hold his laughter. Sirius tried to hit him with a pillow but...missed and promptly fell off the bed.

"Ah-ow!" He groaned, grinning manically. James bent down and helped him back onto the bed.

"Good thing Madam Pomfrey didn't hear." James laughed. "You alright?" Sirius' lips were in a thin line, he had obviously hurt himself but predictably...

"Yeah I'm fine..what time is it? I wanna get outta here." He muttered.

"Not long now.. " James said lightheartedly, trying to get Sirius to cheer up. But Sirius wasn't really in the mood to talk anymore. He had had these moments at James' house during the summer, James knew he was thinking, probably about what had happened, and about him and Lily. He still felt bad about that.

"Sirius... I'm sorry, I was a dick. Doing that to you was... unforgivable." James murmured to him. He was sat close to Sirius on the bed and knew Sirius could hear him. He noticed Sirius bite his bottom lip slightly.

"I do... It was always her."

"I...Thanks," he replied. James had really not expected Sirius to say that. In fact he had thought there would be an awkwardness between them for a long time. But he was far from disappointed. They sat in silence for a while, James wasn't sure how long, but Madam Pomfrey came through the curtains and shoo'd James off the bed to check Sirius over one more time.

"Don't take these off for at least two more days." She said, physically indicating the bandages to Sirius. "They should be healed by then. And make sure someone is with you all the time. Don't be left alone."

"Great..." Said Sirius wistfully. He hated being co-dependent.

"You may go." James helped Sirius into his clothes, which was a bit tricky but didn't take too long. To help him, James rested his hand on the small of Sirius' back and his arm to steer him. As they moved through the corridors, students turned their heads and stared. Sirius' face still looked like he'd had a fight, he had a black eye, some scratches and you could clearly tell his eyes were unseeing.

"Fuck off, yeah? How would you like it?" James grumbled at the passing people. Sirius kept very quiet. He was fully aware that people would be staring at him, but he kept his head up and let James guide him to the tower. The stairs were the hardest part, Sirius stumbled a couple of times and swore under his breath.

Finally, they were at the portrait hole. James held up a hand to stop the Fat Lady asking questions and gave the password.

"Do you wanna go up? Or go sit by the fire?" James asked softly.

"Dorms..." Sirius said. James nodded, more to himself.

"James! Sirius!" Sirius winced, it was Lily.

"Lily,we were just going to head up. Did you wanna come?" James let go of Sirius and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend.

"Sure, Sirius how are you feeling?" She asked, concerned.

"Fabulous, Lily, really." Sirius made to move towards the staircase but subsequently tripped over a table leg. Immediately James and Lily were by his side and helping him up. Sirius would have appreciated this but right now he was frustrated and jealous of Lily, so he shook them off.

"Don't." He said gruffly. "I can do it."

"If you're sure..." James said, giving Lily a sideways glance and shrugging. Feeling his way over to the staircase, Sirius managed to hold on to the banister and work his way up. James and Lily followed closely behind him, just in case. James pushed the door open for him and saw a series of bits a string criss crossing the dorm.

"What...?" Lily asked. Remus, who had been reading on his bed, ducked under the string and came over.

"I thought it would help Sirius, there's one string leading to the bathroom, one to James' bed and one to the door." He smiled.

"Genius." Said James. Sirius was already using the string from the door to get to his bed.

"Hey..it works.." Sirius called back. "Cheers Moony." Remus always thought of everything. He heard a squelching noise coming from behind him and he turned, trying to figure out what it was.

"What's the squelchy noise...?" Sirius almost instantly regretted asking this as he heard stifled laughter and a sigh.

"Just James and Lily, Sirius. Nothing to worry about.." Remus told him. He wouldn't worry..just internally sulk.

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_Review Review Review? :3 thankies_


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